Okees, heres the skinny. I know female I aint. A straight-up female identity leads me to all sorts of depression and bitchyness. I suck as a pure girl. On the other paw, I dont particularly want a penis. I know, seemingly small distinction, but it means more than one might think. It means basically, that Im not Transsexual. At least not in a clinical sense which requires a rejection of your given erm... equipment and a wish for the other type. Dont get me wrong, it would be interesting to see what it felt like to have one, to even get to use it, but Im not suicidal over it. : P I am actually sort of fond of my boobs and my trouser kitty. I think they are rather lovely if I do say so m'self.
So where does that put me? well, when I take those brain tests to see if you have male or female brain leanings, I get anywhere from 60% to 90% male brain bias. It varies, interestingly enough I score more male during my period and more female on the other side of the month, shading in and out, kind of like the moon, which is sort of nifty. *<--- is such a friggen hippy*
any moose, so Im setting here, and all day I've been thinking about the different times in my life when Ive been happy. And the happiest Ive been, major events notwithstanding, was in high school, for a brief period in I think it was tenth grade. I had been reading up on gender stuff and started rejecting a bunch of female crap and adopting some more male stuff, and basically just doing what made me happy and not caring. That ended when my mom got pissed at me for cutting my hair "like a dyke" and well... yea... at the time my mom was the word of god, so that was that. But it is food for thought. In times since Ive tried it and have obsessed about achieving "total gender balance" perfect 50-50. Thing is, I rarely am. And there is no steady male or female quotient in me. Heck, I lean male to varying degrees all the time anyway. I ended up fucked, because I was still trying for more feme than is healthy for me. Maybe I should just me M... the guy in a girls body... sounds pretty nifty to me. At least then I dont have to feel ashamed of LIKEING my boobs...